Sᴜsᴀʙɪ

【06.01.2020】•【21:28】alright, so, the things are much weirder than i thought. as i said before, my decision is between susabi and hyorinmaru. and i wanted to know if i will feel something for susabi. so, last night i went to his room. i tried to take him easily at first, but he saw that i actually wanted something else than i was talking. and he kept insisting to tell him why i was there. i told him, that i have to kiss him to find out if i'm feeling something. he didn't said anything anymore, he was just looking at me. i approached him, touch his arm and kiss him very gently. but he wanted more. he wanted more of me. and kissed me deeply. he even opened my mouth and started playing with my tongue. at that moment, i felt a huge power, coming from my chest. i broke the kiss and looked at him. he did the same. i asked him "susabi, how did we fell in love? why did we did it? i mean, i know you for like two weeks and i'm mad in love with you. why do i love you? why do you love me?" he answered "we do not need reasons to love each other, since we both know that it's the destiny's decision." and kissed me again. i wanted to leave, but he caught my arm, telling me to not leave. tears were running down my cheeks, uncontrollably, telling him that i'm so afraid to make the decision. he wiped them and i hugged him. in that moment, i saw his past. the things that he was hidding from other people. he felt something is wrong and asked me if i'm okay. i looked him deeply in his eyes, and told him "you....you are a god. you were left by the gods, on earth, with the ability of telling the future. but, this ability left you at a very young age. and your true powers...never came to the surface because the humans bullied you, and this is why you hate humans...and this is why you believe in destiny...because this is your destiny. susabi, who you are truly?!" he looked away for a few seconds, then answered "you talked too much." and kissed me again. he kissed me even more deeply and rougher, that i literally kneel before him. (he came down with me, of course) he almost killed me, because i couldn't breathe anymore. i tried to push him away, but his strength is unreal. (his quote is "bow down before me!" so i could totally understood why he made me kneel before him) i felt a little rage inside me, that i pushed him. he felt on the ground, and i got on the top of him. my eyes were sparkling yellow (my vampire entity) and i told him that even if he's a god, i'm a princess and i will never kneel in front of anyone, except my parents. he told me "i'm not afraid of you" and put his hand on my cheek. he also told me that if he's the last one from my destiny, we'll have a lot of fun, with those attitudes. we both laughed, and i got up. before i wanted to leave, he kissed me one more time. well, i had kind of a nice experience with him, last night, but i'm still afraid of making the decision. i can feel that he is the one. and he knows it. but...there's a big "but" in this whole situation. since i am bipolar, i am very afraid of making some decisions. because anything could go wrong and regret my decision. i think he is right. we don't need reasons to love each other. i've made my part. i've approached him, and made him love me. now, is up to the destiny what will happen next.

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