Make It Stop _ Chapter 100

6_23-2011.. READ ABOUT BULLYING ON THE WEB...I touched on this topic before. It is one of tremendous importance in the world today from youths to adults..I know all too well about this topic..... I went through my educational years being bullied...I got through it by the grace of GOD...... How to Beat a Bully—Without Using Your Fists Some bullies want to provoke you just to see how you’ll react. But the Bible gives this wise advice: “Do not hurry yourself in your spirit to become offended.” (Ecclesiastes 7:9) The fact is, ‘returning evil for evil’ could add fuel to the fire and lead to further problems. (Romans 12:17) How, then, can you beat a bully without using your fists? Take a lighthearted approach. If a taunt is simply an attempt at humor, try to laugh it off instead of getting offended. “Sometimes it’s just a matter of not taking aggressive statements so seriously,” says a boy named Eliu. If a bully sees that his words have little effect, he may stop the harassment. Use mildness. The Bible says: “An answer, when mild, turns away rage.” (Proverbs 15:1) A kind reply is what the bully least expects, and it can defuse a tense situation. True, keeping coolheaded when under attack takes self-control. But it’s always the better course. Proverbs 29:11 says: “All his spirit is what a stupid one lets out, but he that is wise keeps it calm to the last.” Mildness is a sign of strength. The mild person isn’t easily thrown off balance, while the bully is often insecure, frustrated, or even desperate. For good reason, the Bible states: “He that is slow to anger is better than a mighty man.”—Proverbs 16:32. Protect yourself. If a situation seems out of control, you may need to find an ‘escape route.’ Proverbs 17:14 says: “Before the quarrel has burst forth, take your leave.” So if violence appears imminent, walk or run away. If escape is impossible, you may need to ward off violence the best way you can. Report it. Your parents have a right to know about what’s happening. They can also give you practical advice. For example, they might suggest that you speak to a school official, such as a guidance counselor, about the matter. Be assured that parents and school officials can handle the matter discreetly, so as not to get you into further trouble. The bottom line? A bully can’t win if you refuse to play his game. So don’t get sucked into the flames of his anger. Instead take control of the situation by employing the foregoing suggestions.WHAT IS BULLYING...What is bullying? Bullying is persistent unwelcome behaviour, mostly using unwarranted or invalid criticism, nit-picking, fault-finding, also exclusion, isolation, being singled out and treated differently, being shouted at, humiliated, excessive monitoring, having verbal and written warnings imposed, and much more. In the workplace, bullying usually focuses on distorted or fabricated allegations of underperformance. Click here for definitions of workplace bullying. Why do people bully? The purpose of bullying is to hide inadequacy. Bullying has nothing to do with managing etc; good managers manage, bad managers bully. Management is managing; bullying is not managing. Therefore, anyone who chooses to bully is admitting their inadequacy, and the extent to which a person bullies is a measure of their inadequacy. Bullies project their inadequacy on to others: a) to avoid facing up to their inadequacy and doing something about it; b) to avoid accepting responsibility for their behaviour and the effect it has on others, and, c) to reduce their fear of being seen for what they are, namely a weak, inadequate and often incompetent individuals, and, d) to divert attention away from their inadequacy - in an insecure or badly-managed workplace, this is how inadequate, incompetent and aggressive employees keep their jobs. Bullying is an inefficient way of working, resulting in disenchantment, demoralisation, demotivation, disaffection, and alienation. Bullies run dysfunctional and inefficient organisations; staff turnover and sickness absence are high whilst morale, productivity and profitability are low. Prosperity is illusory and such organizations are a bad long-term investment. Projection and denial are hallmarks of the serial bully. Bullying is present behind all forms of harassment, discrimination, prejudice, abuse, persecution, conflict and violence. When the bullying has a focus (eg race or gender) it is expressed as racial prejudice or harassment, or sexual discrimination and harassment, and so on. When the bullying lacks a focus (or the bully is aware of the Sex Discrimination Act or the Race Relations Act), it comes out as pure bullying; this is an opportunity to understand the behaviours which underlie almost all reprehensible behavior. I believe bullying is the single most important social issue of today. Bullying... is a form of abuse, and bullies - and unenlightened employers - often go to great lengths to keep their targets quiet, using threats of disciplinary action, dismissal, and gagging clauses. What bullies fear most is exposure of their inadequacy and being called publicly to account for their behavior and its consequences. This makes sense when you remember that the purpose of bullying is to hide inadequacy, and people who bully to hide their inadequacy are often incompetent. A bully is a person who * has never learnt to accept responsibility for their behaviour * wants to enjoy the benefits of living in the adult world, but who is unable and unwilling to accept the responsibilities that are a prerequisite for being part of the adult world. * abdicates and denies responsibility for their behaviour and its consequences (abdication and denial are common features of bullying) * is unable and unwilling to recognise the effect of their behaviour on others * does not want to know of any other way of behaving * is unwilling to recognise that there could be better ways of behaving. Bullying is obsessive and compulsive; the serial bully has to have someone to bully and appears to be unable to survive without a current target. Despite the facade that such people put up, bullies have low self-confidence and low self-esteem, and thus feel insecure. Low self-esteem is a factor highlighted by all studies of bullying. Because such people are inadequate and unable to fulfil the duties and obligations of their position (but have no hesitation in accepting salary), they fear being revealed. This fear of exposure often borders on paranoia. Bullies are seething with resentment, bitterness, hatred and anger, and often have wide-ranging prejudices as a vehicle for dumping their anger onto others. Bullies are driven by jealousy and envy. Rejection (which cannot be assuaged) is another powerful motivator of bullying. Bullies are people who have not learned the lesson of consequences, ie that if they behave well there are good consequences (reward), but if they behave badly there are bad consequences (restriction, sanction, punishment, etc). Since childhood, bullies have learnt that they can avoid the unpleasant consequences of bad behaviour through the instinctive response of denial, blame, and feigning victimhood. How to spot a bully in your workplace If you have a serial bully on the staff they will reveal themselves by their department showing excessive rates of * staff turnover * sickness absence * stress breakdowns * deaths in service * ill-health retirements * early retirements * uses of disciplinary procedures * grievances initiated * suspensions * dismissals * uses of private security firms to snoop on employees * litigation including employment tribunals or legal action against employees Types of bullying Pressure bullying or unwitting bullying is where the stress of the moment causes behaviour to deteriorate; the person becomes short-tempered, irritable and may shout or swear at others. Everybody does this from time to time, but when the pressure is removed, behaviour returns to normal, the person recognises the inappropriateness of their behaviour, makes amends, and may apologise, and - crucially - learns from the experience so that next time the situation arises they are better able to deal with it. This is "normal" behaviour and I do not include pressure bullying in my definition of workplace bullying. Organisational bullying is a combination of pressure bullying and corporate bullying, and occurs when an organisation struggles to adapt to changing markets, reduced income, cuts in budgets, imposed expectations, and other external pressures.

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